I find when I do something nice for myself there is a little lift that comes into my ordinary day. I went shopping one day recently and spent a little over $500 on myself. In the old days this was unheard of. I grew up with no money except the meager dollars gained from the odd babysitting job. I remember wanting to buy a bag of chips when I was a teenager and it being impossible to find the money to do so. In my married life we were poor at various times over the years while raising our five children and this poverty left a ugly mark on my soul. But times have changed. I have a great paying job, no debt, no dependents that require mega amounts of money. I have freedom to spend money on what I want when I want. Now I don't want to make the impression here that I am materialistic, I am not. I have learned that money can't buy happiness (try cashing a life insurance cheque from your husband's estate and see if you feel happy about it- or realize you can retire years earlier than planned but alone and without him). However, money can facilitate you experiencing nice feelings such as security or gratitude. It can enable you to act on your generosity in a new way. It can allow for the creation of happy events and thus memories that might not otherwise have been experienced. When I spent this $500 on myself it was to enjoy something nice that I had never had the luxury of experiencing before. I did not feel guilt that I was doing this, I did not regret it or think of all the other things I could have done with the money. I just treated myself to something very nice. It lifted my sad soul in that moment in time. And I was so grateful. I did not take it for granted or feel like I was entitled - I felt wow how fortunate am I to do this!
When I wear the items I bought on this ordinary day, no one will know or notice, but privately I will feel extraordinary. I will feel special and that I am worthy of this. I will remember the hard days when I was hungry and wanting a bag of chips, when I scraped together money to pay the bills. I will remember my husband working so hard to provide in all the ways he did and the humiliation and shame he sometimes experienced in his efforts. I will remember our married years of poverty as well as the years when the money flowed. I will take these memories and walk forward in my new shoes in this new life of bittersweet privilege I now have. And I will experience profound gratitude and thank the universe for it.
Comments
Post a Comment