Selfless

This weekend seven of my dearest cousins and my brother-in-law gave up their Saturday of the long weekend to build a deck for me. They worked their butts off to create a thing of beauty with nails, wood and concrete blocks. Selfless creativity at it's finest. Not only does this give me a practical platform to have my morning coffee on, to gaze into the crystal clear ocean bottom below, to catch the sunrise and sunset and moonlight on each day and night for now until the rest of my years, but it gave me insight again into being cared for and how that feels. To have a community of individuals all come together and do this for the sole purpose of making me happy blows my mind. That they did this, although they gained no benefit from it themselves, except to hopefully feel good and get a warm fuzzy because they were selfless for a day towards someones greater good- awes me.

I will be enjoying this deck, me, my kids, their families, my friends and people I love, will benefit for years from that one day they all sacrificed. I wonder if they thought of that when they were hammering away, lifting lumber and concrete blocks, measuring and using their power tools? I wonder if they knew the true extent of their selflessness? Do people who are selfless know they are? Is it inherent in their makeup and they just go about their lives doing and not considering the impact, or do they know and choose this because it makes their heart happy? Terry used to tell me he got way more out of helping others than they got. I wonder. I do not consider myself a selfless person, I wish I had more of that gene in me but I fear I do not. Oh I do things for my family and I do so lovingly and willingly - but am I getting something in return? Usually yes I would have to say. Even if it is to allay some guilt or make myself feel better the motivation is often not pure selfless intent. I think that is very hard to do, at least for me it has been. I wish it was different but I have to say if I am truly honest my intentions first go toward what I want and desire or what will make me feel something I want to feel instead of pure selfless intent toward another.  Exceptions exist of course.

To be a recipient of selfless intent feels awesome and inspiring, it makes me strive to be a better person, to try harder to consider others before myself and to feel what others might gain by my intention or action rather than any feeling I might acquire as a result. Oh so many times I strike out but it keeps me honest-these foibles of mine. They keep me seeking for correctness and a more selfless attitude. I don't take life's lessons lightly anymore. Each misstep leads to wisdom and knowledge in myself and the world around me. Each oh I need to try harder or oh I fucked up that time is a valuable lesson to do it right next time. Because you see as I age I know there might not be a next time to make it right. So on this special Saturday as I was the recipient of selfless action I tried to express my gratitude in the only way I could. By being delighted and overwhelmed with joy and happiness, (do they realize how hard it has been for me to come by these feelings over the last few years? And because of what they did they gave me that gift? Maybe, maybe not) by thanking through food and drink, by smiling and sending positive loving thoughts to each and every one of them as they sacrificed their day for me.

When we all gathered on the finished deck to christen it at days end in the sunshine, one of my cousins wives said to me "this is so good this is so right". Maybe she got it. Terry would have loved this selfless Saturday, he was a very selfless person, also a builder of decks. If he has a way to know he'd of been smiling on us all.