If I could soar

If I could soar

it would be to you

on your holy mission

of eternal perfection

I'd entwine us in perpetuity

If I could cry perfectly 

it would bring you back to me

in the everydayness of us

 I falter in my mourning for you

 I misstep, and you slip my grasp

I am but a thought left of you

in the days that linger here in January

this frozen month of hangovers

I look for you over frozen lakes

The cold air bites my fingers instead

I plod through the dreariness of 

another winter of my discontent

more ingrained than years 1, 2, 3,

it's in my cells now, my mitochondria

I want you gone, I want you here forever

You never knew did you ?

how much of you was me

how I soared with you

how grounded I've become without

 a flightless mourning bird cooing

If I could soar

I would repair this ache

this return journey to sadness

where she heads for another fall

instead I'd ride the high currents with you